Need sex. Gaining weight.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
