I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
