I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
