There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
True strength comes from lack of pants
Randomize
