We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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