Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
