Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
