wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I'm too high and old for this...
Randomize
