he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
