i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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