Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
