Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
