awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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