Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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