I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Randomize
