drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
