I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
soo... how was my night?
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