Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Randomize
