Just fell off a train. Bad.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
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We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
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And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.