Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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