i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends