So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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