How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..