she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
