we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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