i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
