On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
