I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
