It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
