I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
