oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Randomize
