I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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