brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
