Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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