I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
