my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
