Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
