he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
