Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
