They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
