So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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