There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
