he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
