so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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