The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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