I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
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In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
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I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Help. Why am I so naked?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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