I think my vagina is haunted
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
