I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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