Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
