party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Randomize
