So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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