just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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