I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
