Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
