The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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