Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
