Is it normal to miss your booty call?
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
