Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
