non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
