i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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