do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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