if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize