Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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