New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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