You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
