Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
