There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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