so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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