I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
home. puking in laundry basket.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
