Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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