yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
