all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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