yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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