Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
