you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I am available for nakedness
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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