My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
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you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
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I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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