dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
