What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
FUCK WHALES
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
