but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
