Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
