Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize