You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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