his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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