how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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