Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
