I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
