Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
