it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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